Our old enemy, Personal Arrogants, fired several shots in the night. In addition to their frontal attacks, they are recruiting desperate men, terrorists really, to launch cowardly attacks from the shadows of twitter. Particularly barbaric attacks using crude gif imagery.
We expected no better from them. Their words are the words of fearful children, unwilling or unable to take responsibility for their actions.
They accuse us of a surprise attack! As if we declared war on them without provokation. As if we, the noble Blue Yonder nation were the aggressors! Lies!
The truth, dear listeners, is that Personal Arrogants started this conflict by depriving us of strategic supplies of podcasts during a desperate season. Studies have shown that depression, even suicide, skyrockets during the holiday season. And it is at this crucial time they withhold their product? They have blood on their hands! Or at least anti-depressant medication! We could not in good conscience stand idly by and allow these monsters to play havoc with the worlds supply of ‘casts. If no one else would check their hand, we few, we lucky few, we band of blue yonder, would.
It is with heavy hearts indeed that we authorize the use of the following weapons, to be deployed to the field immediately.
- Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone!
- Yo mama so fat, she goes to the restaurant, looks at the menu, and says “okay!”
- Yo mama so fat, she has to iron her pants in the driveway with a steamroller.
- Yo mama so fat, she’s on both sides of the family!
- Yo mama so stupid, takes her five hours to watch 60 Minutes!
- Yo mama so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.
- Yo mama so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif!
That’s right! Mamas have been involved! History will prove to be on our side; that we had no choice. When the self-indulgent pantywaists at Personal Arrogants tried to put baby in the corner, we said no! Hell no! We will not go quietly into that night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive!
To quote one great leader who stood for the oppressed against tyranny and impossible odds, “Never give up! Never surrender!”