Bald Movies – The Lion King (2019)

Jim and A.Ron have seen the “live-action” remake of The Lion King, but why? Why was this film made? I mean, we know the rea$on$ The Mouse is jamming this joyless attempt at cinema down our throats, but really, why? A stellar vocal cast can’t even come close to making it worth it. It’s hard to think of a more pointless endeavor, and it’s \all down hill after the cold open. Stay at home, save your money, and put on your best copy of the original on your biggest screen and crank up the sound. Enough with this pretender. Long live the original King!

Bald Movies – Toy Story 4 (2019)

Frankly, we were prepared to be mildly disappointed and to cluck our tongues at the Mouse and wag our fingers at all of his hubris as we sat down to watch Toy Story 4. Nobody asked for this sequel. It was foolish to get this franchise out of the vault after you delivered an absolutely perfect trilogy with the most beautiful ending you could ask for. But you know what? They did it. Toy Story 4 can look it’s predecessors square in the eye as it has just as much humor, heart, and a wonderful, emotionally rewarding finale.  Not to mention it’s the best looking Toy Story yet. This is a movie that was made for everyone, and it delivers the goods.

Bald Movies – Men in Black: International (2019)

Jim and I have seen the latest installment in the long running Men in Black franchise, Men in Black: International. And it’s okay. It’s fun and entertaining, largely because Tessa Thompson and Chris Hemsworth are fun and entertaining people who have an easy chemistry. The plot is twisty, but not very smart, and the whole thing just struggles to find the big red “hyperspace” button that would get it into orbit where it belongs. But if all you’re looking for is a bit of 90s nostalgia in a forgettable summer flick package, Men in Black: International will do.

Bald Movies – Dark Phoenix (2019)

Jim and I went to see the latest X-Men flick, Dark Phoenix. It’s not as bad as it’s Rotten Tomatoes rating would imply, but it’s certainly not good. And it’s unfortunately because once again a classic X-Men plotline is burnt (refried, in this case) and all-time great Magneto and Professor X performances by Fassbender and MacElvoy are wasted on a script with muddled characters and paper thin villains. Long time fans of the X-Men will enjoy some great stand alone moments with their favorite characters, and the core chemistry of Xavier / Magneto / Mystique work to get the film’s emotional heart a brief jump. But ultimately the film folds underneath the weight of apathy and ugly FX  work.

Bald Movies – Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)

Jim and I are both long-time fans of Godzilla, and we’re here to report that this here is a really great Godzilla… trapped in a really, really dumb film. Godzilla: King of the Monsters has never looked better, has never been more bad@ss, has never been a meaner lizard, the problem is the homo sapiens that keep interrupting the truly amazing kaiju action we’re getting here. If you can find a dumber lot of heroes and villains in a major motion picture, we’d like to see them. Worse, there are zero stakes because apparently it’s not possible for these morons to die unless they’re faceless extras or it’s the dramatically appropriate time for them to die, but again this film doesn’t understand drama or tension, so that doesn’t really work, either. This would be a really fun film to rip on and root for the monsters on a lazy Saturday with your best friends, but it ain’t worth the time going out to see it. We’ll hope for better next week with the X-Men as we get a first look at Dark Phoenix!

Bald Movies – Aladdin (2019)

If you’re wishing for a three-way review of Disney’s latest live-action adaptation, Aladdin, then listener you’re in luck. Wish granted. Cecily, Jim, and I went to see it tonight with appropriately low expectations, but were very pleasantly surprised at how much fun and energy the movie provided. Better, the script smartly adapted the original, improving it’s pacing while also adding depth to Jafar’s intrigue and Jasmine’s character, making it smarter and more relatable to modern audiences. The Tomatometer is kinda brutal for Al and friends right now (59% as of this writing), so take our review with a grain of salt. And we’re still skeptical of the long term viability of these live-action adaptations, but we feel like this movie is proof that they aren’t necessarily doomed to be pointless wastes of time.

Bald Movies – John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum (2019)

Jim and I take a belated look at the latest installment in the John Wick saga, Chapter 3: Parabellum. JW3:B, has some of the finest action sequences we’ve ever seen, but it’s also rapidly approaching diminishing returns in terms of quantity over quality. We’re all for combat innovations including insane knife work, horse and dog augmented combat, and up-armored adversaries, but there’s only so many times you can watch Keanu kill a guy with a gun before you start checking your watch. With John Wick 4 looking to keep upping it’s ante, is this momentum sustainable? We’ll look forward to finding out!

Bald Movies – Detective Pikachu (2019)

Novice Pokemon Trainer A.Ron is joined by S Rank Trainer Cecily to break down the action in Detective Pokemon. We were both surprised at how straightforward a kids film this was. To be fair, we weren’t expecting Deadpool out of a Ryan Reynolds’ starring Pokemon film, but parents looking to be thrown an adult bone over the heads of their children are probably going to be disappointed. Still, it’s relentlessly, almost threateningly cute, and the more into Pokemon you are the more you’ll appreciate the universe and background details they’re packing into the scene. 

Bald Movies – Avengers: Endgame (2019)

Jim and I have seen the climax to a decade’s worth of world building in the MCU, Avengers: Endgame, and would like to certify it 100% awesome. Sure, you might quibble with a few cameos you don’t recognize, and the more you’re capable of rolling with the “Rule of Cool” the more you’ll appreciate the spectacle they’re putting on screen. But it’s hard to imagine any fan of superhero movies not respecting what an accomplishment this is; to get so many people across the globe to care about and invest in these characters through 20+ movies that they’ll sit in the dark for 3+ hours laughing and crying with them. How does Marvel top this? Can’t wait to find out.