Bald Movies – PCU (1994)

Special thanks to Josh “anubus21” Wilson again for yet another commission (he also is responsible for the recent Screamers), this time he decided to troll us by making us watch the terrible “Jeremy Piven goes to college” movie, PCU. We figured it was only fair to troll him back by tearing the movie a new one. We don’t think the movie is particularly funny, it’s message is bad, and it’s full of unlikable characters with murky motivations and goals beyond throwing the ultimate rager and wishing minorities and vegetarians would just, you know, chill already. Its lone bright spot is that mid-movie, George Clinton personally pilots the Mothership as he drops a righteous funk bomb on the film, but even ordinance that powerful couldn’t stop the monstrous Piven.

All in all, a fairly successful troll all around. Thanks for your support, Josh, and… enjoy?

Bald Movies – Natural Born Killers (1994)

Jason decided to tag his wife Aime back for the the movies (Transformers, Toxic Avenger) she’d commissioned for him over Christmas, by having us chat about her personal favorite movie, Oliver Stone’s 1994 film, Natural Born Killers. We found this movie to be wonderfully cast (Woody Harrelson, Juliette Lewis, Robert Downey, Jr., Tommy Lee Jones, Tom Sizemore, among others) and fully insane in it’s direction, visuals, editing, and message, and thus spent about half our time talking about the film itself, and the other half pondering the human condition. Jason, Aime, hope you two crazy love birds enjoy this commission, and if either of you start talking about being the god of your world, back out of the room slowly. Make no sudden movements.

Bald Movies – The Toxic Avenger (1984)

Merry Christmas, Jason Miller! Your wife, Aime thought it would be a nice present to commission you a pair of podcasts to open beneath the tree. This is one of them, 1984’s cult horror classic, “The Toxic Avenger”. Directed by Michael Herz and “starring” Mitch Cohen, Mark Torgl, Andree Maranda, it’s a work of pure cinematic insanity of over the top and cheaply filmed gore, sex, violence, and sexual violence. We discuss Troma films in general, pollution, dick punching, and much more as we attempt to review a movie that defies criticism.

Bald Movies – Transformers The Movie (1986)

Amee Miller commissioned Transformers the Movie as a Christmas present for her beloved husband Jason. Featuring the voice talents of Leonard Nimoy, Orsen Wells, Petter Cullen, and Scatman Crothers, the movie certainly lives up to it’s billing as “beyond your wildest imagination.” For example, I’d never imagine an underwater chase scene involving muscle cars, mentally challenged dinosaur robots leading a populist revolt against injustice, a microscope being used as a telescope, or Weird Al Yankovic’s “Dare to Be Stupid” being used in an all-robot dance number. Maybe my imagination is broken or something.

Bald Movies – Screamers (1995)

Special thanks to Josh Wilson who commissioned the 1995 cult sci-fi movie, “Screamers”. Starring Peter “Robocop” Weller, it works as both a goofy b-grade science fiction flick and a semi-serious work based on a short story by no less than Phillip K. Dick. It punches well above it’s weight in terms of concept, set, and costume design, but then surrounds Weller with below replacement value actors such as “Poor Man’s Bill Paxton” and “Homeless Man’s Val Kilmer” with mixed results. Still, it managed to provide both laughs and scares, and we feel we enjoyed it in the spirit it was intended.

Bald Movies – The Voices (2014)

Julie Webster of “Teeth” commissioning fame/infamy is back again with another movie to bend our noodles. This one a criminally overlooked Ryan Reynolds movie, “The Voices”. Under the direction of Academy Award winner Marjane Satrapi, and joined by co-star Anna Kendrick, Reynolds really comes out swinging as a poorly understood young man with non-existant social skills just trying to find happiness in life. Unfortunately, for reasons both nature and nurture, his search is in vain, and the movie spirals down an ever increasing dark path. An impressive movie, and one worth watching if you don’t think Ryan Reynolds is capable of any kind of nuanced, interesting work. Just be warned, this movie is pitch black, and very uncomfortable in places.

Bald Movies – Blood Simple (1984)

Sean Ray commissioned one of his favorite movies, the Coen Brothers’ 1984 directorial debut, Blood Simple. Starring Coen favorite Frances McDormand, it’s an interesting look into the prehistorical fossil Coen record. So many shots and themes established in this first film go on to make up the DNA of their later works. You’ll see Fargo, Miller’s Crossing, No Country for Old Men, and even a few dashs of Raising Arizona and The Big Lebowski in this film. Having said that, there is a whole helluva lot of 1980’s film making and first time directing on display as well.

Bald Movies – What Dreams May Come (1998)

Fernando Rodriguez is back for another commission! This time he selected 1998’s What Dreams May Come, starring Robin Williams, Cuba Gooding Jr., and Annabella Sciorra. Directed by Vincent Ward, and based on a story by Richard Matheson, the movie features an incredible vision of what the afterlife may be like, as it follows a family struck again and again by sudden tragedy. Oh, and we debate spirituality and our thoughts on death. One of us cried during our watch. You’ll never guess which!

Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)

Eric Cunanan commissioned us to watch the classic 1992 drama, Glengarry Glen Ross, directed by James Foley and based on the stage play by David Mamet. If megawatt star power (Al Pacino, Jack Lemon, Ed Harris, Kevin Spacey, Alec Baldwin, Alan Arkin among others), crisp, lyrical, profane dialog, and meditations on the death of the American Dream sound like something you’re into, you should give this movie a shot if you haven’t already.